bury me please

pre-text: clearly feeling very sucidal then..at least within. i felt dead inside...and wished someone could just do me the favor of ending my misery.

muse: jnp

I see myself sitting here
I feel the blood running through every inch of me
The plaque latching to the walls
Refusing to let go
Building and building and killing and killing me
Slowly, oh so slowly

I want so bad to be near you
To smell you and breathe in your breath
Does not matter now or any more
What happened
Grown out of me grown out of us
You could care less if I lived or die
But I do not die for you
I do not want to die for you
You don’t care why should you care
Why should I die for you

I always thought loving you would be forever
And it is I just never knew that it did not matter
Forever or not
Move on move on suck it up and move on with your life
I am I am
I am dragging my battered self across time
I am sprawled all over
My guts are spilled out

I do not show it
Does not mean I do not think of you
About me
And how I fucked you up bad
No one knows how fucking hard it is
How fucking disgusted I feel
How I want to rip out every piece of flesh in my body
And feed it to the animals

If I could I would just die
I am not a loser like they say
I am a winner
I just do not want to live a lie
Telling myself it will be all okay someday
I believe in complete truth

It is not your fault at all
I know you won’t think it’s your fault
It’s all my own doing
I dug my grave
Ever since the day I was born
You are just the lucky one that didn’t get pulled down with me
Now I just lie here
Waiting for someone kind enough to throw the first handful of soil
Bury me please