lovebeat

pre-text: was thinking of how hk's love for me is always constant, i say mean things and he puts up with it. and the times i called roo over the past few wks crying..and tonight when i called home to granny, mummy and diana. i have family and friends who loved me over the years, near or far, fat or skinny, nice or not...unconditional. and im blessed.

muse: those who love me

countless days like fleeting like clouds in the sky
countless nights like stars in the universe
seasons came and gone as nature’s work
time timed through the fine grains of an hourglass
your love is like the beating of my heart
constant and consistent
each beat is matched with a pulse of love from you
there are moments of quiet slow calming love
and then there are moments of excitement and passion
oh, do not forget the angry painful ones
when I am so blinded by hate and hurt
then I hear my heart pounding
and I remember your love for me
stronger and louder than ever
days passing by like wind blowing across the land
nights floating over like waves in the ocean
seasons coming and going, recycling the cycle
present becoming the past and future becoming the present with each tick of the clock
your love is the beating of my heart
an ethereal union of the two
and when my heart stops beating
i know your love will still live on.

maybe

pre-text: you know how shows on tv always end the emo episode with "maybe..." sometimes it's one word...sometimes it is something 'profound'. it leaves me feeling...what they want: emotional. then i remember the moments i think of when i used maybes...and this is what i came up with.

muse: maybe my emotions? (no pun intended)

Maybe may be the most uncertain word.
Maybe can stand alone.
Maybe can be yes and no all at the same time.

Maybe suggests a possibility.
Maybe gives you some hope
Maybe can mean I do not know but I do not want to admit it.

Maybe is soft, not hard cold rejection or strong passionate confirmation
Maybe is between extremes, a safe limbo to be in.
Maybe is indecisive, maybe even fickle.

It may be it all maybe is.

take care of your heart

pre-text: i've been toying with this idea of the heart...its physical importance in our bodies, and of course in our emotional life. most probably not how i wanted it written or how i had it in my head. but rather random ramblings. seems to be having quite a couple of these moments these days.

muse: those who have touched my heart

Heart disease is a lifestyle disease
Determined by daily choices we make
Of the food we eat
Determined by small and big choices we make
In life

Careful not to let your heart beat too fast
Your mortal body might not be able to catch up
If your heart slows down too much
That isn’t good either
Make each beat strong and powerful

Follow your heart
It is the engine of your soul
Use your head
It is the control center of your being
Together, use your head to follow your heart

And should there be conflict
Sit down and think about it
Feel it coursing through your blood
Weigh what is at stake with what you value
You will find a balance, most of the time

Do not let your heart get soft
This way, you are vulnerable to the scheming
Do not let your heart get hard
You might not feel anything then
Have a humble and open heart

Leap for joy and happiness
Your heart should celebrate good things in life
Grief if you need to, but not too long
A broken heart syndrome can very well lead to a heart attack
Take your heart on a rollercoaster ride

If someone should break your heart
Know that time will heal it
But scars may always remain
It is alright, no one looks at it anyway
They only care if you are willing to give your heart to them, and how much

Cut the lock of fear, cut the lock of hurt
You only end up keeping it all in, and alone
Open your heart and let others in
To know you, your life and the being in your shell
It can be quite liberating

Heart disease is a lifestyle disease
Of emotions and of physical well-being
You have a choice
To live and love
Healthily and happily

love should be enough

pre-text: honestly, the words spilled out of my head. dunno if it makes any sense or not...but i guess the idea is..when u say the word "love" as a noun or a verb...it automatically means...true, honest, everlasting, constant, passionate love. there's no need to say "i really love you" or " i love you forever". it's a given.

muse: to all my loved ones.

Love is enough

It should not be true
It should not be forever
It should not be unconditional

It need not be declared
It need not be displayed
It need not be justified

It will not be simplified
It will not be complicated
It will not be overrated

Love is enough.

your song

pre-text: after since i moved on from a part of my past...i get sucked back into it once in a while....when i hear a song that i think he would enjoy. and i guess everytime i hear one of those songs, there's this urge within me to pick up my phone and call him. but of cuz i never do. maybe this is the way to tell him that...

muse: sda

you always liked the songs with just the piano in the beginning
and the mellow voice of a jaded overgrown boy
who knows way too much for his own good
the words do not rhyme at the end
and it fades in and out, loud and soft
they repeat one line over and over
and sometimes it seems they whisper
as if for us to strain our ears
or maybe we were meant to feel it
and when the song ended
you wished there was more
even though you felt like crying after you heard it the first time.
your songs, i listen to them now
and think of you.

someone else

pre-text: was browsing through my old poems and came across this one. written about 3 years ago...i felt sad reading it before. but now, i feel good...cuz i found that someone else. and he knows who he is.

muse: jnp

It has been quite some time now.

My love for you has become stale.
It is not active, just lying dormant in my heart and soul
Intergrated into a part of my being, like scar tissue

I have moved, along.
Tried new things, met new people
Opened my mind and heart to new philosophies of life.

I will always love you, like I told you before
But now I have to believe I have to hope
And to learn to not be scared
Or angry
Or bitter

I cannot decide whether I want or I need
Someone who can make me feel vulnerable and protected at the same time
Someone who will make me sing love songs from the heart and believe each word
Someone who is passionate and crazy about me as me him
Someone who will hold my hand and hug me tight
Someone who will kiss me gently at night when I sleep
Someone who can make me smile and laugh without constraint
Someone who can read my mind and feel the same way
Someone who loves life as much as I do
Someone who teach me how to open up again
Someone who will never go away
Someone who will love me and my flaws and my mistakes
Someone who will never let me go

That someone was once you
Now I have to find someone
Else.

the fog

pre-text: written on the road as well... whilst we drove through the fog, i contemplated our future together.

muse: hk

the destination is definite but uncertain
the journey there, long or short, tumultuous or not
you and I both don’t know
just hold on to my hand
and we’ll feel this fog out together
if you should stumble. I’ll hold into you tighter
if i should hesitate to take another step, walk in front of me and urge me forward
but please don’t leave me behind
and if we should lose each other in the midst
listen to my voice and follow your heart
i promise not to lose patience with you
and you promise not to lose faith in us
our love will bring us back together
and then we’ll hold onto each other tighter than ever.

a night in germany

pre-text: written when i was sitting in the car...driving underneath a clear night sky with my baby.

muse: hk

tuck the sun away to sleep
hang up the moon, turn it on till it’s soft and bright
pull down the curtain of night
and sprinkle it with stars
wind up a breeze and blow it gently across the sky
inch a little closer to me
go in a little deeper, feel my pulse in yours
look into my eyes and touch my soul
hold onto my hand till the sun wakes up again tomorrow

tissue paper lady

pre-text: just some ramblings since ive been back.

muse: the stranger who sells tissue paper at the bus interchange

you stand at the same corner everyday
selling the same tissue paper everyday
"Tis-Sue-Pa-Per-One-Dol-Lar" is all you ever say

i walk past you
and wonder is this all you ever do
if this life you lead is true

today you are not at the usual spot
i must admit i find it odd
i think of you now, but i never thought.

an apology

pre-text: reflected how i was being rather bitchy...given the challenging situation, the other person was being really understanding and sweet.

muse: hk

i thought i memorized every freckle on your face
every crease and wrinkle
the way the corner of your nose and mouth curl
when you smiled at funny things in life
my moments of loving you
oscillate between intense desperate passionate obsession
to plain despair
i must have forgotten how you feel
your love is as distant as you are
and i only seem to push you even further
to your limits to see how much can you take of me
my complains, my issues and my past emotional baggage
should know now not to shoot myself in the foot
and expect to get anywhere with you
i am sorry.