tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-105400042024-03-13T23:56:45.363-07:00words overkill,feelings shortchanged.A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanged, it is the skin of a living thought and may vary greatly in color and content according to the circumstances and the time in which it is used. - Oliver Wendell HolmesfeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.comBlogger106125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-87187095991105977122019-04-15T21:49:00.001-07:002019-04-15T21:53:39.508-07:00Our Lady on Fire<i><b>pre-text:</b></i> i woke up to the news that the House of God is burning and as heart wrenching as it was to see the amber and black, i felt this unexpected comfort from the solidarity of people coming together to offer up songs, prayers and comfort to each other as they stand and watch Our Lady engulfed in flames that did not look like it would ever be put out.<br />
<br />
<i><b>muse: </b>Cathedrale Notre Drame de Paris<br /><b></b></i><br />
<br />
That image of the falling spire<br />
Amidst the burning smoke and fire<br />
Forever seared in the minds of the many who see it from the streets<br />
And all around the world, we felt that drop in our stomachs' pits <br />
The yellow and ambers so vivid you almost had to stare<br />
Even the hues of the sunset cannot compare<br />
Notre Dame engulfed in flames<br />
No one knows yet who or what is to blame<br />
Maybe Our Lady knows this is what is needed in a world of weak<br />
During this time of darkness, especially timely during the Holy Week <br />
Some mourn the loss of its Gothic architectural magnificence<br />
Others try to rationalize and analyze its relevance<br />
Leaders vow to rebuild, to restore the damage done by the destruction<br />
Yet so many come together in the spirit of consolidation<br />
To pray, to process, to mourn, to make sense of what does not<br />
And to realize that nothing is permanent and forever, except God<br />
Whoever and whatever you choose your God to be<br />
It is plain to see<br />
That lives do not need to be lost to feel loss<br />
We are essentially the same, whether or not you believe in the Cross <br />
The world has to wait for the smoke to clear<br />
and the morning light of day to see if what is left is dear<br />
It is fire that brings light to darkness<br />
The same fire reduces everything to dust and ashes<br />
Some may look for the phoenix to rise<br />
While others clutch unto what is lost and left with despair and cries<br />
None of us knows who is right or wise<br />
Like a mother who makes countless selfless sacrifices<br />
Our Lady burned and she broke, and yet she still stands <br />
Her facade forever changed but her foundation is steady on land<br />
The distinct tune of Ave Maria is hauntingly beautiful<br />
Almost fitting for what happened today is as devastatingly hopeful<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-25852399235588112802018-01-06T00:18:00.000-08:002018-01-06T01:03:16.085-08:00more or less<i>pre-text:</i> reflecting on the past year and looking forward to the new year, i am caught in the limbo of more or less<br />
<br />
let's have a more or less year ahead<br />
more kindness, less judgment<br />
more patience, less rushing<br />
more real-time FaceTime, less Facebook (and other social media)<br />
more compassion, less cynicism<br />
more humility, less (humble) bragging<br />
more liking the realness of people- flaws and all, less Instagram likes of filtered and posed photos<br />
more empathy, less indifference<br />
more friendships, less meaningless acquaintances<br />
more wit, less hurtful humor<br />
more learning from mistakes, less fear of making them<br />
more ownership, less blaming others<br />
more taking care of our health, less excuses not to<br />
more picking up on subtleties, less dismissing the obvious<br />
more courage to pursue passions and dreams, less fear of failure and rejection<br />
more presence with loved ones, less meaningless presents for loved ones<br />
more hope, less disappointment<br />
more gratitude, less complaints<br />
more truth, less lies<br />
more forgiveness, less grudges<br />
more empowerment, less antagonism<br />
more encouragement, less criticism<br />
more being a light in this world, less making the dark darker<br />
more detachments, less attachment<br />
more togetherness, less divisiveness<br />
more staying in touch, less losing contact<br />
more giving benefit of the doubt, less taking advantage just because you can<br />
more courtesy, less rudeness just because you are the customer<br />
more setting boundaries, less apologies for having them<br />
more deeper conversations, less small talk<br />
more doing, less talking about doing<br />
more trust, less doubt<br />
more love, less hate<br />
more living, less existing<br />
let's live a more or less life<br />
<br />
<br />feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-43147348586627387122017-12-18T23:48:00.003-08:002017-12-18T23:48:42.282-08:00inaction<b>pre-text: </b><i>i was on the receiving end of someone who did not respond, and i myself did not respond when someone reached out to me. the act of inaction is still a form of action.</i><br />
<br />
<b>muse:</b> <i>cv and ng</i><br />
<br />
sometimes inaction speaks louder than words<br />
for inaction can be indifferent<br />
it can be laziness<br />
it can be avoidance<br />
it can be negligence<br />
it can be not making onto the list of priorities<br />
<br />
sometimes inaction speaks louder than words<br />
for inaction takes discipline<br />
it takes control<br />
it takes holding back<br />
it takes letting go<br />
it takes knowing actions do not always matter<br />
<br />
sometimes inaction speaks louder than words<br />
for inaction may mean giving up<br />
it may not matter anymore<br />
it did before but not now<br />
it was spoken for by actions and words before<br />
it is silent now<br />
<br />
inaction, it is your move now. feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-49519005156288202802017-11-26T07:05:00.000-08:002017-11-26T07:05:13.651-08:00two minutespre-text: one of those rare ones you meet for the first time and yet in a split second, something within your soul leaps in excitement, maybe even recognition.<br />
<br />
muse: cv<br />
<br />
when i was searching for you and you found me<br />
you leapt up to come greet me<br />
i never realized someone could be so happy to see me<br />
you trusted my food and drink choices<br />
and indulged my crazy ficklemindedness<br />
ending up in one bar after changing my mind 3 times in less than 15 minutes<br />
entertaining my hotdog straw idea<br />
for that mustard whiskey drink<br />
and sharing my bowl of Angel Share<br />
i told you i could drink on par with you<br />
you are a good cuddly snuggler<br />
and you did not snore!<br />
thank you for being accomodating with my inability to tolerate 16C<br />
and warming me up with your hugs<br />
i am sorry the room was stuffy with no daylight or windows<br />
i hope it wasn't too claustrophobic<br />
being in there with me<br />
it was easy being with you<br />
so many times it was like you read my mind<br />
i'll miss that left eye wink of yours<br />
like i said, God is fair<br />
your one good eye sees the things both my eyes always seem to miss<br />
i loved rubbing your unshaven chin<br />
and stroking that dog-like matted hair of yours<br />
but mostly the way you chuckled when you laughed<br />
don't be anxious about your anxieties<br />
you can Lifeproof your gadgets but not your life<br />
just do your best as a Vest<br />
And if i don't see you in another part of this world<br />
i wish you a (very) happy ending<br />
in Life<br />
Oh, and one more thing<br />
take two minutes once in a while<br />
to think of me<br />
i hope that will make you smilefeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-13959707532442747172017-11-25T13:42:00.001-08:002017-11-25T13:47:06.725-08:00i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my (broken) heart<b>pre-text:</b> <i>that lil tattoo was to remind me to carry the ones i love in my heart always wherever i go. who'd knew it will teach me that to carry the ones i love in my heart always wherever they go.</i><br />
<br />
<b>muse:</b> <i>e.e cummings </i><br />
<br />
e.e cummings got it right<br />
before i did<br />
way before i knew i could <br />
carrying love is a lighter burden<br />
compared to hate<br />
not that i could ever hate you<br />
it is the cross i chose to carry <br />
<br />
like an old injury that acts up when it gets cold and wet<br />
i soothe the ache with a smile of memories of us<br />
a tear may form, it may even fall<br />
but the ache becomes more familiar each time<br />
that ball in my throat becomes easier to swallow<br />
the moment passes and i am present again<br />
<br />
my heart may be broken<br />
by a thousand shatters into million of pieces<br />
but each time, it comes back together, bigger and stronger<br />
held together by all the love<br />
all the love that is gone<br />
but never lost<br />
<br />
it is tougher, stronger<br />
open, raw and devastatingly ugly <br />
yet remains quiet and obscure<br />
aged by hurt, pain and forgiveness<br />
cured by compassion<br />
and underlined by understanding<br />
<br />
my broken heart is not in pieces<br />
it's held together by overflowing love<br />
of all the loves that are lost <br />
<br />
<br />feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-46702849784392259462017-11-25T13:21:00.003-08:002017-12-19T00:00:45.732-08:00the birthdays you do not celebrate<b>pre-text: </b><i>not every friend gets to celebrate the birthdays we do or hit the milestones in Life, but yet they've lived more fully than we ever could.</i><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>muse: </b><i>jpl, pk and xcf</i><br />
<br />
the first reaction is always What<br />
then How amd Why<br />
but Why cannot seem to make sense<br />
just like the When is never a good time<br />
explanations and consolations<br />
are unacceptable<br />
they make rational sense<br />
emotional sense even<br />
but they are incomprehensible<br />
i search for meaning<br />
the light in the void you leave<br />
"at least she went with her whole family"<br />
"his heart could have given up way earlier"<br />
"he was doing what he loved most when he went...traveling"<br />
am i the only one who focuses on the irrelevant<br />
maybe i am that half-empty glass person<br />
i think about our last conversations<br />
about boys, about love and about life<br />
the little details, the inconsequentials<br />
now are remnants of what I grasp unto<br />
your last thoughts<br />
were you scared? were you panicking?<br />
were you in pain? did you suffer a long time before you were gone?<br />
what about your family?<br />
the ones you loved? the ones who loved you?<br />
the ones who loves you but you never knew?<br />
how are they holding up?<br />
who am i to be so devastated, who am i to be so dramatic<br />
i am just a friend<br />
a friend who has survived you<br />
someone who gets to live her life<br />
celebrate birthdays you will never have<br />
make wishes for things that probably won't come true<br />
who am i to deserve this all<br />
i tell myself each time<br />
to take better care of myself<br />
of the people around me<br />
to be kinder to family, friends and strangers<br />
to show the ones i love that i do<br />
to let the the ones who love me know that i know<br />
it should not take death to remind me to do this<br />
abrupt endings to jolt me to kick start my living <br />
it should not take your death to remind me to live now<br />
my heart suffers a daily dull ache<br />
but on days like these, the ache cannot be assuaged<br />
i don't need consolation, i am nobody to ask for it<br />
nothing no one can say i have not said before<br />
or have told myself to hold back the tears<br />
i have played the different characters on this stage of life now<br />
taking on the role<br />
of sinner and saint, of the weak and strong<br />
the meek and the powerful<br />
the lover and the cheater, the lover and unloved<br />
somehow this always throws a wrench<br />
makes me want to run in the middle of it all<br />
ramble a soliloquy, raise my over-poured glass of wine <br />
a make a toast to life and living<br />
proclaim my love and gratitude<br />
to confess my secret sins, my dirty thoughts<br />
lay my worst fears all out for the world to see<br />
and hope they would love me for me nevertheless<br />
because you taught me to that love is not meant to be quiet<br />
or hidden<br />
that you never know if you are holding unto a ticking bomb inside you <br />
that life is not meant to be living on other's terms<br />
your presence in my life i shall not let it go to waste<br />
your absence in my life i shall fill it up<br />
by channeling what you would have done, what you were doing<br />
i will remember your smile, the twinkle in your eye<br />
the laughs we shared together, the moments we briefly shared <br />
how you made me feel, not everyone can do that<br />
you are a loss to those who did not know you<br />
and for those who were privileged to know you<br />
we are indeed the luckier ones <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-34034486733525813322017-11-25T12:56:00.001-08:002017-11-25T13:26:09.101-08:00t- 24 hours<b>pre-text:</b> <i>when you connect with a stranger much quicker in less than 24 hours than with friends you've known for years. the streets of Hanoi will forever be romantic to me.</i><br />
<br />
<b>muse:</b> <i>pb</i><br />
<br />
You made my heart skip a beat<br />
When you appeared right in front of me<br />
The urge to hug you was instinctive<br />
But I held back<br />
Unsure if you (still) felt the same way<br />
Once your hands touched my hip<br />
Everything fell in place<br />
Everything became alright<br />
And then you leaned in to kiss me<br />
I was not ready so I turned<br />
And again when you kissed me<br />
I kissed back<br />
But I held back<br />
Because I know I would not be able to hold myself back<br />
Walking the streets in your arms<br />
I have not felt so happy in so long<br />
The hours are always ticking by with us<br />
One of us leaves and the other left behind<br />
I huddle closer and cuddle you tighter<br />
Pushing my face into the nook of your neck<br />
I feel you throb against my lip<br />
I breathe in your essence so I will remember you<br />
Your smell, your skin and your warmth<br />
I run my fingers on your face<br />
So I don't suffocate on kissing your lips<br />
Your lips they are so soft and gentle and kind<br />
And when you smiled while kissing me<br />
I felt as beautiful as you said I was<br />
At the end you told me you'll miss me<br />
And I kept silent<br />
I've missed you since I first met you<br />
But such intensity is not a burden everyone can bear<br />
I would never put it on you<br />
The best memories are never captured in photos<br />
But in moments, in songs<br />
In the way the street light shines<br />
And the smell in the air<br />
Our love affair always had an expiration hour<br />
Which made each minute and second all that sweet<br />
I long for the next time I get to kiss those lips again<br />
It may never happen again<br />
But I will have the memory of you alwaysfeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-72767790574243132132015-09-14T08:10:00.000-07:002015-09-14T08:10:04.845-07:00No Last Words<b>pre-text: </b><i>When no words is more than enough words.</i><br />
<br />
<b>muse:</b> <i>WJ</i><br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
With no last words</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our arrangement of non-arrangement ended</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They say you cannot lose something you never owned</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I say you cannot lose something you cannot win</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because you never had love for me to win</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just affection and attention</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Still I lost</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bits of myself along the way</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All the parts of me that I was proud of</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You were too</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because your arm was around my waist</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And all eyes were on you and me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alone with you</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw slithers of vulnerabilities</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even in the dark</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I felt your unwillingness in the moments of silence</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No, I would never blame you</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The habit of being alone is a hard one to break</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I understand more than you know</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And honesty is sometimes a cruel policy</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for enforcing it on me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will miss you</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Probably more than I will know</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I will not miss the feelings each time you left</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or turned away from me </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And maybe you will miss me, maybe you won’t</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will never know</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We never had a photo together</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is just as well</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are forever etched in my memory</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will think of you and my heart will ache</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But still I will smile</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For now, I must go</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have to break my heart before you do</div>
feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-29407464814774073232014-01-18T20:09:00.000-08:002015-01-20T06:38:47.571-08:00jagged edges<b>pre-text:</b> written for someone who came with declared baggage. i should have ran off, instead i ran forward embracing it. it was then i realized like no one can unpack someone else' s baggage for them.<br />
<br />
<b>muse:</b> <i>JP</i><br />
<br />
come here, come into me<br />
take refuge in my arms<br />
come into me<br />
no, your jagged edges don't hurt<br />
look, i have them too<br />
you've been shattered again and again<br />
i know, i know<br />
hush my darling, i know<br />
sometimes even a simple memory can cause a quiver<br />
you shake with fear from within<br />
always thinking the last one was the worst<br />
and you survived<br />
we're survivors, darling, we are<br />
broken, smashed and torn apart repeatedly in ways we didn't know a heart could be destroyed<br />
but look at us now<br />
my uneven edges matches yours<br />
the jutting corners don't prick, poke or hurt<br />
and no, i am not the jigsaw puzzle piece missing from your big picture <br />
our hearts had to be broken over and over again to come together to be whole againfeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-45520804519637482002012-12-27T05:43:00.002-08:002012-12-27T05:44:31.508-08:00sinterklaas<b>pre-text: </b><i>wrote this for someone who celebrated Sinterklaas...tried to write it in the form of AABB with a couple of Dutch words sprinkled in. </i><br />
<br />
<b>muse</b><i><b>: </b>MB </i><br />
<br />
Sinterklaas is happy that you made it back home in time<br />
I suppose I am the only one who thinks it is a crime<br />
Since you did not give me your address to send you a cadeau<br />
This gedicht will just have to do<br />
<br />
On the road for months and months<br />
All that freedom, all that fun<br />
Did you find all that you were looking for<br />
All the world has to offer, and still there is more<br />
<br />
Hopefully all the people you met along the way<br />
Learned you something that would always stay<br />
Memories need not always be captured in pictures<br />
But stored in the heart and mind, there they are permanent fixtures<br />
<br />
I do not need to look at the photos we took<br />
To remember how your beautiful your soul looks<br />
From the first time your blue eyes looked over at me from across the boat<br />
Feelings I have drowned deep inside came afloat<br />
<br />
We do not need words, for looking into each other’s eyes is enough<br />
You made me smile from within and when I cried you still managed to make me laugh<br />
I felt your passion for life and love in every moment we touched<br />
Kissing you, hugging you and sporting with you…I miss it all so much<br />
<br />
But at las, reality with its responsibilities slapped us both in the face<br />
Holland or Singapore, we are running the same rat race<br />
Distance is just another hurdle, a big raised hump<br />
Question is: will you jump if I jump? <br />
<br />
So what is the plan, what now… after the 41-year plan<br />
I guess the only way is to leave it in God’s hands<br />
For now, we shall strive to be just friends<br />
But who is to know, we may have our 4 kids in the end<br />
<br />
No worries, ik still hou van jou<br />
Even though you are a “poor farmer” that milks cows<br />
I only hope this gedicht makes it in time for pakjes avond<br />
And makes you have a warm feeling inside your heart and all around<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-37112355689467413682012-07-26T11:13:00.002-07:002012-07-26T11:22:52.832-07:00mix tape<b>pre-text:</b><i> I wish mixed tapes were still around and acceptable in this day and age to give to someone...as a gift of thought and heart. Often times, old songs have new meaning and stronger emotional connections when you meet that special someone. So much can be said in those songs, without saying anything at all.</i><br />
<br />
<b>muse: </b><i>DL </i> <br />
<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
but i am scared of smothering you with cheesiness<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
then i do not have spell out the words i want to say<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
the songs can sing for me<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
so i do not have to see your face when you listen to it <br />
<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape <br />
created just for you, only from me<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
for it tells a story<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
because each song says something about me to you<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
i pick each song with my heart<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
and i want you to listen with your heart<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
because you cannot skip songs ahead<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
but you can rewind to your favorite one<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
so you could listen when you miss me <br />
<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
something about the careless airs of those teenage years<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
the antiquity of it makes it oh so romantic, and silly <br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
because what it says is more than the sum of the songs<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape <br />
it is a compilation of poetry in melody<br />
<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape i would love to make you a mix tape <br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape i would love to make you a mix tape <br />
i would love to make (mix) love to you like an ape (tape)<br />
i would love to make you a mix tape<br />
i would love to make you a mix tap i would love to make you a mix tape <br />
<br />
(mix tapes skip)feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-1137868228638617882012-07-26T10:26:00.001-07:002012-07-26T10:28:43.939-07:00time<b>pre-text: </b><i>this concept of time being this entity that is monitoring our lives...and how we struggle with what to do with it and how to use it.</i><br />
<br />
<b>muse: </b><i>too much time on my hands </i><br />
<br />
time has grown old <br />
waiting for me to figure out<br />
who i am, what i want, <br />
what i am, who i want<br />
<br />
time has grown weary<br />
watching me learn lessons<br />
that i ought to know<br />
things I should have gotten by now <br />
<br />
time has grown tired<br />
hearing me say i am here in the here and now<br />
that i will not rendezvous with all that is lost and gone <br />
or daydream about what may or may not be<br />
<br />
time has grown cynical<br />
listening to me rationalize my thoughts<br />
and fine-combing my feelings<br />
keeping them in check and under control<br />
<br />
time has grown up<br />
outgrown my lies and facades<br />
but now finally i understand<br />
time is growth<br />
<br />
just never the way we know. <br />
<br />feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-10467672214728971632012-07-26T10:05:00.000-07:002012-07-26T10:06:02.220-07:00for my new lover, Under Water<b>pre-text: </b>Learning to scuba dive may be my first adult-child experience. I felt like a baby opening her eyes for the first time, seeing the world. Everything amazed and fascinated me. <br />
<br />
<b>muse:</b> my virgin dive<br />
<br />
I am furious at myself<br />
For denying myself to you<br />
It is long overdue<br />
And now you draw me in<br />
With those mesmerizing blues<br />
Fused in with aqua greens<br />
The waves beckon me into your arms<br />
Wide as the eye can see<br />
You make me feel like a child<br />
Reborn into a world of free floating freedom<br />
Everything I see is new, brand new<br />
I marvel at the colors<br />
Wavering from different angles<br />
It is quiet but I hear the soft rhythm of life<br />
Of creatures big and small<br />
Some naked to my eyes<br />
I breathe hard when I let myself go into you<br />
And then you calm me down with your cool touch<br />
I breathe easier I hear myself<br />
Slowly I let you take over and I breathe easy<br />
Every experience we have is different each time<br />
You show me familiar things<br />
And then something new and exotic<br />
Things beyond my imagination<br />
I feel the bursting excitement erupt within me<br />
Like a child, I squeal inside<br />
You are proof to me God exists<br />
For only someone like Him can create something like You<br />
With such variety, diversity and beauty<br />
And to paint you such blues<br />
I ache to be with you again<br />
This time I will not wait too long<br />
There is no holding back<br />
The butterflies in my tummy get restless from my longing<br />
I thank God for our union<br />
I only wish he made me a mermaid<br />
For I would rather be swimming with the fishes<br />
Than be walking amongst men<br />
Please take care of yourself while I am gone<br />
I promise to return to you soon<br />
Where the sea meets the sky<br />
And the blues become one<br />
That is where I will befeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-9416249896415302742012-07-26T09:46:00.001-07:002012-07-26T09:53:06.830-07:00what use is a broken heart?<b>pre-text:</b> <i>Cause after someone shatters your heart, you got to keep living and moving along. And you wonder if you will ever love again...maybe you will, even though it hurts.</i><br />
<br />
<b>muse:</b><i> all those who have broken my heart before</i><br />
<br />
What use is a broken heart?<br />
It's just like another other broken body part<br />
Subject to years of wear and tear<br />
The weight of life is too much for something so small to bear<br />
It functions almost like it should, except it hurts when put it use<br />
Even if you careful not to subject it to abuse<br />
A simple diagnosis with no simple cure<br />
A doctor may fix it, but the pain you have to endure<br />
<br />
What use is a broken heart?<br />
Except to write some words and maybe create some art<br />
Pick up the pieces and glue it back<br />
Even if you do, you will still see the cracks<br />
Put in a nail or two, make it stay together<br />
Still it will never be stronger like before, or ever<br />
<br />
What use is a broken heart?<br />
You can't see it even if your ribs were apart<br />
It hurts and aches everyday<br />
But you go on about your way<br />
Hide it with a smile<br />
Maybe no one will notice, maybe it will be all better in a while<br />
<br />
What use is a broken heart?<br />
Maybe as a reminder the next time around, to be a little bit more smart<br />
When things break, they fall into smaller pieces<br />
But a broken heart may be the biggest thing there is<br />
It may sound like a myth<br />
But a broken heart may have the most love to givefeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-77988880556857462462012-02-26T14:02:00.004-08:002012-02-26T14:08:00.334-08:00I need your wanting.<span style="font-weight:bold;">pre-text:</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">When physical intimacy tempts you with the possibility of an emotional connection. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">muse:</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">AS</span><br /><br />From the get-go I should have left <br />You alone<br />The way you moved those hips<br />Only hinted at what I was to lust after<br />“I kinda like you” you said time and time again<br />In that strangely sexy drunken breath<br />How much sober truth is that?<br />You got the right parts good and the wrong parts down pat<br />I should have stayed away I tried to let you go<br />But you kept coming back<br />You found your way back to me in the crowd<br />And your hands found their way around me<br />The words you said I wanted to hear<br />I wished they were honest and true<br />And then I could let my heart melt freely<br />Your lips on mine<br />Needy and wanting<br />You bite, I thought only I did<br />The passion you have I can reciprocate<br />But I got ahead of myself and gave in to you<br />Even in the dark, I feel your skin shimmer<br />The same smooth tan all over you<br />It is like God sculpted you and dipped you whole in cáffe<br />I could not keep my hands off you<br />And you would not let go off me in your sleep<br />I laid on your peachfuzzed-covered chest<br />Thump, thump, thump your heartbeat goes<br />No usual two-step beat<br />I have been here before<br />And I know better to not make the same mistake twice<br />But you pull me into you when I crawl back into our makeshift lovenest<br />I let myself go, if only for a while<br />“You are comfortable” you said<br />“You are comforting” I thought <br />Sex is not love, they say<br />Affection and intimacy is not connection, I have learned<br />I know that I am just another girl <br />And that was just another night<br />For me you aroused everything that I was fighting against<br />I gave in to the temptation of him disguised as you<br />My head said No, my body said Yes<br />And my soul said Maybe.<br />I thought I could play this game of two<br />Except I do not play by the rules<br />Still I want a rematch<br />Because like you said “I kinda like you”.feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-8614483745034456512011-06-13T20:53:00.000-07:002012-07-26T09:52:13.272-07:00love letter to my morning coffee<span style="font-weight: bold;">pre-text</span>:<span style="font-style: italic;"> Just a literal interpretation of something visceral</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">muse</span>:<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Gloria Jean's Cafe Mocha</span><br />
<br />
As I cup you tightly in my hands<br />
I hold you snug and close to me<br />
Like you are the only thing that has ever mattered<br />
You wake me up to life<br />
And I'm reduced to a child- like gratefulness each morning <br />
The heat permeates through the cup<br />
Warm and fuzzy<br />
From my hands to my heart<br />
I lower my nose down for a gentle yet deep breath<br />
And then I go "ahhh", letting go all the troubles I've yet to accumulate<br />
This intimate ritual is my personal morning therapy<br />
To start me off right<br />
My quivering lip lowers down to taste you<br />
Anticipation builds every time as if we were meeting for the first time<br />
Will you burn me? Or will you be bold and strong? Maybe you will kill me with your sweetness <br />
And then we finally come together and as I swallow cautiously<br />
I feel you down my throat and then all throughout my being <br />
You return the favor, you envelope me whole in your flavor<br />
Every cell in my body feels like it is should: content <br />
And then all is right with the world, and life.feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-24124958585248465532011-04-25T20:05:00.000-07:002012-07-26T09:52:32.274-07:00my group of friends called grief.<span style="font-weight: bold;">pre-text:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">A self-reflexive look at the different stages of grief. Knowing and acknowledging each one is the first step. As losses accumulate, the physical and tangible losses evolve into the loss of something deeper and intangible. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">muse</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">for those who have lost someone or something. or simply hope.</span><br />
<br />
Oh Denial, you are my SOS<br />
The first one on the scene when shit hits the fan<br />
I can count on you for support<br />
You are always on my side<br />
Seeing things the way I do from where we stand<br />
<br />
Bargaining, there you stand<br />
At the corner of False Hope and Reality<br />
Sometimes we win together<br />
Most of the time, I end up losing<br />
You are a tough sell, a big deal of nothing<br />
<br />
Anger, you and me can take on the world<br />
It's us against them, we are invincible<br />
I got your back and you got mine<br />
Alone I am passively stewing inside, together we are explosive<br />
We are on the same team in the blame game<br />
<br />
Debbie downer is your nickname, Depression<br />
The sound of your name compresses my being,squeezing the life out of my life<br />
You get easier to deal with each time, I must say<br />
Familiarity does not breed contempt<br />
But ease and comfort <br />
<br />
Acceptance, I am serious about you but you treat me as a fling<br />
Our time together is real and genuine, and always too brief<br />
Just when I think we are ready to take it to the next level<br />
You leave me and I go sleep with Anger,Depression and Denial, and sometimes Bargaining.<br />
It's a one-sided love affair that's bittersweet at best<br />
<br />
Closure is not something to seek<br />
But the close circle of friends I call Grief<br />
Who enclose me within as I sit on this rollercoaster ride called Life<br />
As I go up and down, round and round until it is a big blur<br />
I am grateful for these friends, they have practically become family.feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-91574768552881227432011-02-16T19:51:00.000-08:002011-02-16T20:09:08.917-08:00seasons of life<span style="font-weight:bold;">pre-text</span>:<span style="font-style:italic;"> the only thing that catches up with age is age itself and the inevitable aches and pain. bodily aches and emotional pain. seeing that the body does not last forever, the notion of seeking something greater than the materials of life while maintaining the health and well-being of body, mind and soul is repeatedly drummed. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">muse</span>: <span style="font-style:italic;">family and friends</span><br /><br />i do not recall very much of Spring<br />sometimes i feel its vitality, a sudden surge in my veins<br />the smells were fresh and untainted<br />colors bright and vivid, like a lucid dream<br />and the lightness of being, ah the lightness <br /><br />Summer came, and was gone too soon<br />busy living in the moments<br />to think of what was to come<br />when i look back at the snapshots in my mind<br />i say " wasn't this yesterday?"<br /><br />Fall has arrived, the leaves are falling and I fall into the limbo<br />stuck in between the peak and the bottom<br />it is time for one last hurrah<br />remember to live now in the now<br />for it slips too quickly into the past, and the future is catching up<br /><br />the silent falling of snow softens the harshness of Winter cold<br />we shiver within as we crave the warmth of body and soul<br />thinking back, we did as good as we could<br />for it is too late to right the wrongs<br />and right about time to move on and along.feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-18796220401232308832010-02-08T20:27:00.000-08:002010-02-08T20:33:03.659-08:00untitled<span style="font-weight:bold;">pre-text</span>: for the moments when you think you were emotionally in the clear, and then you go crashing down into that deep dark pit. all over again. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">muse:</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">those who have gone</span><br /><br />crazy young loves have drained me of passion<br />the song that plays on the radio<br />shakes my soul within<br />do i slip into your consciousness like a old habit<br />the butterflies have eloped with the dragonflies<br />they knew better they saw it coming<br />but we stayed<br />you went along your way and i on mine<br />but the world is not big enough for me to lose you<br />you crawl out of the crevices of my mind <br />and i want to lose my headfeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-68872393780036189712008-05-08T12:36:00.000-07:002008-05-08T12:41:43.055-07:00my heaven<span style="font-weight:bold;">pre-text:</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">i am not sure when i wrote this....i came across this scribbled on a Travelodge memo stashed in my memos..<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"></span><br />muse: </span><span style="font-style:italic;">must be on a plane..or on a trip</span><br /><br />heaven is above the the clouds<br />when the sun shines steadily<br />it casts an orange glow<br />on all the cottonballs<br />some big, others small<br />some thin and wisp<br />some full and hearty<br />the sun is on its own horizon<br />setting on a thin wafer-like cloud <br />i want to bounce from one cloud to the other<br />and not fall to earth<br />play like an angel<br />without a care in the world<br />and then i do<br />the sun's lost and i am fumbling<br />tossed head over heels<br />my arms are flailing and my legs are out of control<br />caught in a aero-wave<br />i come crashing down to earth<br />will i die?<br />maybe if i die, i can go to heaven again<br />for a joyridefeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-49318993244604469742007-11-04T11:48:00.001-08:002008-06-23T18:43:42.048-07:00rational fall<span style="font-weight:bold;">pre-text: </span>y<span style="font-style:italic;">es you can fall in love...but after falling and getting your heart broken repeatedly, you learn how to fall. in life, you fall forward with your hands stretched out or backwards on your butt. they call it protective extension. in love, you fall with...logic and rationality. either way, you fall.</span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />muse:</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">pl</span><br /><br />you were foreign to me<br />invading my space<br />breaking down my walls<br />i forgot how it feels<br />to be suffocated<br />by passion and desire<br />i lived from hour to hour<br />mile to mile<br />now i long to be close to you<br />your warmth melts away my fears<br />i want you so close i feel your blood throbbing<br />maybe then your goodness will rub off on me too<br />i am learning still to let you in <br />and keep you in my life<br />so let me be where you are<br />whenever the moon and sun change their shiftsfeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-83009832666551777792007-11-04T11:43:00.000-08:002007-11-04T11:47:48.379-08:00thoughts<span style="font-weight:bold;">pre-text:</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">it's been a while..and these were old random thoughts that still come to mind from time to time.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">muse: </span><span style="font-style:italic;">good old experiences</span><br /><br />squeeze the clouds, wring them dry<br />hold on tight to your dreams before they fly away<br />our clocks chime in sync<br />but never at the same time<br />like line dancing we learn steps to the song of life <br />only to have it change when we get it down<br />answering questions and questioning answers<br />round and round till it loses all meaning to question<br />honesty does not stab you in the back<br />but shoots you in the foot and leaves you stranded with the truth<br />keep on smiling keep on trudging keep on searching<br />end up settling for entities of happiness<br />love is unconditional dependent of worthiness<br />sell forever in units of diamonds<br />the sun shines down upon us all<br />but it feels hotter here than there<br />you get greedy when you want <br />bigger, faster, better, more<br />you get content when you want what you need and nothing else<br />you get sad when you do not know what you want at all<br />secrets do not keep you secure in the inner circle<br />they trap you in guilt and paranoia<br />sometimes is always this time<br />and you wonder why<br />hanging onto that one person<br />only to have them hung up on someone else<br />between layers of clouds, time almost seems to slow down<br />limbo in a world beyond description<br />night has not fallen, the sun has not risen<br />the world just keeps on spinning.feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-77140524880488439592007-07-27T07:56:00.000-07:002007-07-27T07:59:09.307-07:00nook in my neck<span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-weight:bold;">pre-text:</span></span><span style="font-style:italic;"> i wrote this for a friend who wasn't having the greatest time of his life...and it's funny because i've never met him...but i wished really badly to be beside him to offer the nook in my neck. i guess there are many times when someone you know is crying and you have no idea what to do, but offer the nook in your neck to them.</span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />muse:</span><span style="font-style:italic;"> kr</span><br /><br />i want to tuck your hair back<br />get it out of your eyes<br />and wipe that stray tear off the corner of your eye<br />stroke your cheeks<br />hold still that quivering lip of yours<br />lean a little closer into me<br />it is okay to let it go<br />let it out and let them fall<br />those feelings you cannot decide on<br />and the defenses, the pretences<br />cuddle into the nook of my neck<br />i believe it was shaped for such things<br />to say i know how you feel <br />would be trying too hard<br />maybe even a big fat lie<br />you do not know what you want<br />answers and solutions may not even suffice<br />i shall not offer anything<br />but the nook of my neckfeefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-1163652354746088882006-11-15T20:40:00.000-08:002006-11-15T20:45:54.760-08:00lovebeat<span style="font-weight:bold;">pre-text:</span> w<span style="font-style:italic;">as thinking of how hk's love for me is always constant, i say mean things and he puts up with it. and the times i called roo over the past few wks crying..and tonight when i called home to granny, mummy and diana. i have family and friends who loved me over the years, near or far, fat or skinny, nice or not...unconditional. and im blessed.</span><br /><br />muse:</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">those who love me</span><br /><br />countless days like fleeting like clouds in the sky<br />countless nights like stars in the universe<br />seasons came and gone as nature’s work<br />time timed through the fine grains of an hourglass<br />your love is like the beating of my heart<br />constant and consistent<br />each beat is matched with a pulse of love from you<br />there are moments of quiet slow calming love<br />and then there are moments of excitement and passion<br />oh, do not forget the angry painful ones<br />when I am so blinded by hate and hurt<br />then I hear my heart pounding<br />and I remember your love for me<br />stronger and louder than ever<br />days passing by like wind blowing across the land<br />nights floating over like waves in the ocean<br />seasons coming and going, recycling the cycle<br />present becoming the past and future becoming the present with each tick of the clock<br />your love is the beating of my heart<br />an ethereal union of the two<br />and when my heart stops beating<br />i know your love will still live on.feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10540004.post-1161747570506633142006-10-24T20:35:00.000-07:002006-10-24T20:43:17.886-07:00maybe<span style="font-weight:bold;">pre-text: </span><span style="font-style:italic;"> you know how shows on tv always end the emo episode with "maybe..." sometimes it's one word...sometimes it is something 'profound'. it leaves me feeling...what they want: emotional. then i remember the moments i think of when i used maybes...and this is what i came up with.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">muse: </span><span style="font-style:italic;">maybe my emotions? (no pun intended)</span><br /><br />Maybe may be the most uncertain word.<br />Maybe can stand alone.<br />Maybe can be yes and no all at the same time.<br /><br />Maybe suggests a possibility.<br />Maybe gives you some hope<br />Maybe can mean I do not know but I do not want to admit it.<br /><br />Maybe is soft, not hard cold rejection or strong passionate confirmation<br />Maybe is between extremes, a safe limbo to be in.<br />Maybe is indecisive, maybe even fickle.<br /><br />It may be it all maybe is.feefAyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10868363292019390406noreply@blogger.com0