questions about "i love you"

pre-text: so much thought is put into this feeling we call love, from finding it to having found it and expressing it.

muse: hk

love or lust
my head or my heart, which should i trust
my head: a mere science concocted by neurotransmitters, thoughts and ideas communicated via synapses
my heart: a biomechanical pump of life that can be shut down by emotions

i think with my head and analyze it with my mind
i touch you all over and i feel you inside
i don't suppose it's lust, at least not for the most part
so i guess it must be love

should i tell you?
how should i tell you?
when should i tell you?
all but absolutely irrelevant questions

the bigger question
the greater fear
the crucial climax is
how would you react

would you look me back in the eye and recipocrate or
patronise me politely with a "me too" or
simply pretend it was gibberish that slipped my tongue or
kiss me deeply and tell me you love me too

maybe the question to ask is
am i expecting something in return for my expression of love or
am i worried that you do not feel the same way about me or
am i scared that you might be overwhelmed by my brutal sincere honesty

questions waiting to be answered
answers waiting to be questioned
and while you wait for me
know that i love you

tears/truth

pre-text: stole this from someone else's website. beautifully describes one's reactions to hearing the truth, i've certainly been there!

muse: matthew (got to give credit to him!)

Sometimes you brush against a truth,
feeling it before you can say it,
and instead of theories or conclusions,
tears are the evidence it leaves.
- Dianna Ortiz: The Blindfold’s Eyes

when do i tell you?

pre-text: contemplating the right time and right place to say "something stupid" (think that song by robbie williams and nicole kidman!)

muse: hk

when do i tell you

when you look into my eyes and my chest tightens in a good way
when you make me laugh with your signature Jamaican accent
when you give my hand a little squeeze out of the blue
when you hug me each time the every day we meet
when you peck me on the cheek for no reason at all
when you carress the small of my spine and kiss it
when you reach over to me after minutes of not touching
when you wrap me in your arms to sleep and kiss me randomly in the night
when you hold me against your naked skin after making sweet gentle love to me

when do i tell you
i love you?

fear of you

pre-text: i think i need to talk with someone about something really important. but i cant seem to bring myself to do it cuz i don't know if i should, if i could, if i would. i don't even know what i want to say...except i need to get how i feel inside out to him. the fear i want to share with him is the same fear holding me back.

muse: hk

face to face is too confrontational
words get twisted in the telephone line
voice breaks in and out on the cell
writing a letter would be evidence of my emotions
meanings get lost in cyberspace
a middleman is just too much trouble

please excuse my excuses
i not only cannot face you
i cannot face my fear.

walk in the rain

pre-text: rained all day today, as usual life hits me with something to learn. nature indeed reflects life.

muse: weather

take off your shoes and run free, dive into life
soaked to the skin and loving it, living in real time and not for later
laughing out loud, never apologizing for being you
ignoring wise words of the old, adamant that you are invincible
slipped and fell down and it hurt, never knew that you could slip up
feeling cold on the outside and burning on the inside, you learned your lesson now

grey skies ahead so carry an umbrella, always be prepared
open your umbrella, build up your defenses
stand under a shelter, stay in your comfort zone
avoid the puddles, stick to the sidewalk where you are safe
wear a couple more layers, and not white, keep yourself impenetrable to the world
stay indoors if you can, do not take risks or chances unless calculated

i want to walk barefoot like i did before
i want to squeal in excitement like i did before
i want to fall down and get up after crying for attention like i did before
i want to love without fear of being hurt
i want to chase dreams without waking up from nightmares
i want to live life without reservations

oh won't you come play with me in the rain?