promiser

pre-text: love-hate r/s. you know how love someone so much yet at the same time you hate their guts to the very core of their existence..

muse: i don't remember now but i think 'undeserving asshole/s' may be appropriate.

u promise me u cross your heart and swear on your life
all because you want me to remind you when you fall
you just need someone to believe in you
when you doubt your very own self
make use of me take advantage of me
why don't you?
i am your willing sacrifical victim

saying one thing and doing another
u do not see your actions deafen me
i can no longer hear you your lies and your truths
heard those lies before yet the truth still hurts
the pain and anger have mellowed they brew quietly within
i know you inside out and outside in
but i still love you and want you more

you and me are one, selfish shameless creatures
we just excecute our schemes in different manner
you are disgusted by me and almost hate me
because i am your inner desires and fears
that you are too scared to be the person you really are
i think you ought to love me because you know inside you do
i am what you love and hate in living flesh

so right now go on living your life as a lie
make promises you can keep and feel honorable
be the person you want others to think you are if that makes you happy
come to me for a happier time i will blow your mind
you can be your true dirty honest self with me i will embrace you
i promise you that you know i will deliver
because i am not like you.

me

pre-text: written in my junior college years...my lit teacher mr dennis yeo told us to rewrite jewel's 'me' poem...and this is what i came up with. talks about how i felt then...and i guess i still feel like very much like that.

muse: self (i suppose)


I have hair
Very fine indeed
That I got from my mother
I have my father’s smile
And when I smile, I show my teeth
I have brown eyes, I was told
And often a runny nose
I like the smell of paint
My past loves brought me pain
I’ve wanted to marry a pilot
I’ve always lied to my parents
But my hair is still fine
And my nose continues to run
And I’ll probably lie to my parents
And never marry a pilot

I have thoughts
That I don’t
I read magazines from the back
Often than not, I don’t give a fuck
I have big knuckles
I laugh too
With a cuckle
I wanted to diet
And never got to it
I cry at night
I don’t know why
But I still have big knuckles
And try to diet
And still cry
All alone at night

sunday

pre-text: i was lying in bed one lazy sunday afternoon, back in sunny singapore. and i just felt so sunny inside! so i decided to write an ode to the sun/sunnyness. :P

muse: sunday

sunday
i know why they call it
sunday

sunday
is a beautiful day
sun-day
two words that mean one same thing

on sunday
the sun shines especially different
it crawls out in the morning, lazier than ever
and hangs up in the sky, faithful as ever

on sunday
the sun shines with a peculiar intensity
makes you wish you were at the beach
whilst you are lazing at home, but contented

on sunday
the sun rays are what colors your daydreams
heats up the passion within you
and smothers you with nurturing life energy

on sunday
the sun smiles on you
and tells you you made it through the week
and it'll see you soon, next sunday

sunday
i know why we call it
sun-day.

fighting

pre-text: written after an entire day of physical and emotional fighting.
muse: sda
hours after hours of fighting, we surrender ourselves to exhaustion
forgetting what actually caused this chaos and commotion
we take turns to point the finger of blame
shout, scream, yell and call each other names
so many times this has happened
and so many times our relationship has ended
still we cling onto whatever's left
cause we think we love each other to death
the same old problems, the usual conclusion
we apply new rules and regulations, new terms and conditions
and hope we make it this time
sometimes i think you aren't meant to be mine
i want to let you go and be happy on your own
yet i want to be the best lover you've ever known

i limbo between holding onto you, letting all i feel inside show
and loving you and letting you go
i wish i knew the best choice
if only if my actions were as loud as my voice
i would find the courage to do
what's best for me and you.

letter to you

pre-text: this is almost similar to my 'i write poems'...i guess i am that boring and rigid. hah! i came up with this when i was contemplating if i should call or write to this someone i had to get thru to. in the end, i wrote out what i would have sent out in the mail...and said it out loud. best of both worlds i guess! :)

muse: sda (for the privacy of the individual, only initials are used)


i write letters
i write a letter to you
because what i say always comes out wrong
my inner voice says one thing
and i hear something different come out of my mouth

i write letters
because i can see my thoughts on paper
review them and make sure they confer
i want what i feel and think inside
be expressed exactly the way it is

I write letters
because words get held back by my pride
maybe I am a little shy
or maybe I am just scared
usually because they come out too quick

i write letters
because i get sidetracked talking to you
by you, by my random spurts of emotions, by my tears
i have all these things racing in my mind
and i want to share them with you

i write letters
so my word is in writing
so i don't know the expressions and reactions you have when you read it
i write you a letter
so you can keep it and think of me.